The EX: aftermath of cheating…

 

 

  • The Ex
  • I send her a Text and say I know that you are back with him, I was serious when I said that I wanted you to be happy, I couldn’t cuss her , hurt her, I was devastated but how could I damage the one that I love more than life itself?. So be happy baby , I hope that you have a wonderful life, but if you ever need anything I will always be here for you. She called me back later that day, said she was so very sorry and had made a terrible mistake told me my so-called friend had told her things that I supposedly said about her. I was furious at him not her, how could he do that to me? She blame shifted it right onto him, I ate it all up like a starving dog. I had to. I was so Co dependant by this time , I couldnt bear a life without her. I wouldn’t make it. I had everything I always wanted taking from me again, I had to get it back no matter what had happened. It wasnt her fault really, I had watched her being systematically beat down by him, her family, they used guilt to control her. How delusional I was, but I had to justify in my mind. I had to , I would not allow myself to belive it was her, I had shared moments with her, that could not be fake, I saw it in her eyes , I felt it from her, I tried to look for her faking emotion, so many times I said. You can’t be faking that, can you?, I answered my own question and said” you can not fake that, Nobody can”… That was the first time she cheated , but not the last…. It was ongoing for years. Thats just the ones I know of….. I felt like a lesser man , inside I felt worthless, unlovable, manhood was taken, pride was gone, I was a joke, the emotions left behind when anyone gets cheated on are the ugliest most degrading , devastatingly horrible feelings, a human can ever feel. IN MY YOUTH I HAD DONE THE SAME TO WOMEN AS A TEENAGER, TO ANYONE I EVER DID THAT TO, I AM SORRY, I WAS A COWARD, AN IGNORANT BOY, PRETENDING TO BE A MAN… I left that in my childhood and never looked back. I was faithful to my wife for ten years when I found out she had an affair. I was still broken from that.. I am still broken from it all….. How can I ever trust again.?…….Shes back…