Hello and thank you for visiting my page. This is one man’s very personal account of Loving an undiagnosed Covert Narcissist , She was, what I thought to be the love of my life, My soul mate. I had heard the word narcissistic used a lot out of context, to me it was just a person with a big ego. I never knew how truly damaging narcissist can be, how truly empty they are. I knew something was terribly wrong, but never even considered it was NARCISSISM of any kind. The misuse and overuse of the word had made it meaningless to me.I pray if you’re involved with a Narcissist, please be safe, inform yourself, inform someone you trust. I had no idea the damage, the hurt, the soul crushing pain, the unbelievable disdain that was perpetrated by any human being to another. Especially one who claims to love you. Please Learn about: Gas lighting, Co-Dependency, the 3 phases of EVERY narcissistic relationship. Idealization, Devaluation, Discard. It has been overwhelming. At times I wanted to die, I almost did on three different occasions, I felt truly that had to be better than the tsunami of destruction that I was bombarded with in every way imaginable. Things that she did! , things that she said, were the most awful things I had ever heard. The silent treatments, The stare, the accusations, the triangulation. the little traps. the smear campaign, all happened to me and so much more. It took nearly 5 years for me, and it was only after I left her and moved out ( unknowingly messing up the already in motion discard), and things had gotten so horrific I hid in a small bedroom for months , that I accidentally stumbled across an article online ( I was typing in some of the things she was doing and had done) It was about a women with a Narcissist husband, It was like I was reading about our relationship, more than just a few similarities. If the names were changed it was us! I spent the next months educating myself on Cluster B personality disorders, then months trying to disprove it… That only removed any doubt.
Knowledge about Cluster B personality disorders has helped me to deal with some of the pain. To try to understand what happened, and why. To see my parts in it. What I have carried around from my childhood, recognizing red flags, To not be a victim again. To try to forgive myself. Try and forgive her. Let me say however that even tho these people have a disorder it doesn’t excuse the awful and cruel things that they do. They are very capable of control when it suits their needs or the consequences are severe enough. At first I wanted revenge, that does nothing except turning me into what she said I was. I want to live the happiest fullest life I can, Real education about these disorders is what I am striving for.
MAY GOD, YOUR HIGHER POWER, THE UNIVERSE itself protect you, and lead you out of the darkness into the light