How you and I lie: We are embarrassed or we’re trying to protect someone’s feelings.
How the Sociopath or Naricissist lies:
To you at one point: Listen I’m not a good person. This is just a problem I struggle with. I hope you can forgive me. I forgive you too. I am the ultimate narcissist. (yes, they may admit it. they might be proud of it…especially if they are an overt narcissist) Let’s just keep this between us.
To his friends: You’ll never believe what happened. (accuses his target and leaves out everything he’s done to her) She’s falsely accused me and smearing my name everywhere. (probably not true) The Lord has revealed everything to me. I’ve been faithful in all this and she is persecuting me. She probably has a demon based on how she is behaving (he’s been abusing her to keep her quiet).
To your friends: I feel betrayed by you. I didn’t do what she’s saying. She kept changing her story. (truth: she did what I told her to do because I had so much power of her – and if she didn’t do what I wanted, I would have punished her) I forgive her though. I cared a lot about her. (truth: I was trying to annhilate her)
To his religious friends: I’ve been faithful in all this. I did very little wrong. She was doing this and that (false accusations directed at his target). I’ve been faithful and reasonable throughout all of this. We need to pray for her. She’s ruining my life and doing such and such (more lies). The Lord led me into all truth regarding her. I don’t need to talk to her or understand her point of view or what she meant when she said “such and such” because the Lord revealed everything to me. He always leads us into truth. I forgive her though. Christ has allowed me to share in his sufferings. I did try to reconcile with her. I cared about her. (truth: I was only willing to reconcile on my terms and it was in order to intimate and humiliate her in front of his group) (More Flying Monkey’s launched)
To you later on: Who are you talking to? (you’re probably telling nobody cause you’re so terrified to talk. But the Narcissist is paranoid). This was supposed to be confidential between you and me. You are going to ruin my reputation. You aren’t supposed to be talking. I can’t even look at you. If you say one more word I’m going to blow this whole thing up! I’ll take you down! (by the way all that stuff I said to you before, you misunderstood it and I never really said it, and I didn’t mean it..).
The Covert Narcissist (the shy narcissist) : This kind of Narcissist acts very pious/self-righteous. But the covert narcissist shames and lies about other people in order to destroy them in the eyes of others. They will twist the scapegoats words and build a case against that person in order to destroy them. The covert Narcissist tends to be jealous and insecure.
The difference between covert and overt narcissism?
The overt narcissist believes they are awesome and the world largely agrees with them.
Narcissist supply is freely available.
The covert narcissist believes they are awesome and the world largely disagrees with them.
Narcissistic supply is scarce, forcing them to be more cunning and deceptive than the overt narcissist.
Covert Narcissists Are Dangerous!
You will never see them coming, they will flaunt their vulnerability in front of you to capitalise on your compassion, they will flatter and charm you with their “shyness” to get close enough to you that they can get their fangs deep into you.
All the flattery of the initial meeting is a phase in which they are sizing you up, quite possibly full to the brim with boiling envy and narcissistic rage that you have something that they “deserve” to be given the purpose of which is to learn your weaknesses and vulnerabilities so they can drain you dry.