Shes back…

So she comes back and we are a family again, the Ex calls her over and over finally ending in a violent cuss out to the voicemail, she had no problem ignoring him at all.(typical Narc behavior) I remember feeling bad for the guy, but oh well he was all to happy to hurt me, plus she chose me. Then she introduced me to her “old friends”, two of the shittiest humans I have ever met in my life, but at that point I was all to happy to do whatever she desired. We started to use drugs with them on occasion. My mind was so twisted I actually thought If I did it with her that I could control it. I mean I had beaten drug abuse once already and was strong in that area. Little did I know the extent of her use. She was using anything and everything she could get. Sleeping with at least her ex when she was off at work in My car, while I was raising the boy.

He would always call me to tell me that, but he always went to far with it, so she could excuse it somehow, and I didn’t want to believe it , so I would dismiss it to. that went on for a short time. Then bam she lost her job and left to go back to the Ex. Left me and moved him in at her mom’s house right down the street. I had to drive past that house to go in and out of my neighborhood, only one way to get in , we are surrounded by water. I couldn’t bear to drive by and see them together. I told her I wanted her to be happy even If it wasn’t with me. I really meant that,  but seeing it everyday is something no one could take. I went out with the scumbags she called “old friends” I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I was drinking and doing drugs like crazy that night, I called her so many times and  always  he answered, Told me she wanted me to leave her alone, I say then let her tell me then. To my horror she did.

I was devastated to say the least, I’m sure super enhanced by the alcohol and drug use. I got more and went home. I tried to cope with it. I couldn’t, I had to get away. I packed my little car with clothes and all the keepsakes I could get in it. I had a home filled with all the things My wife and I had split in the divorce, I left it all. Everything that I had packed and stored and rented a truck to bring here. Gave it away, quit my job, got in the car and drove from Tennessee to Indianapolis, Indiana. I had or  been awake for a day or two. I was crushed, a broken shell of a man. But I kept my word, I loved her more than myself. I never called her, I didn’t bother them at all. She called me a week later ad asked if I was really back in Indiana, I was drunk, that’s all I did, I stayed drunk. She told me she had made a terrible mistake, she felt guilty for taking their son away from him, she was so sorry and would do anything to make it right, I was lost in the world, Homeless and emotionally devastated. Before my wife and I divorced, I was a successful business owner. proud, had guys working for me, tons of friends, money, everything really. Now I was back , beaten, broken, financially, physically. It had only been a week I could get my old job back, My friend in Indy. the one I was staying with had went thru a divorce around the same time as me. He had met a girl, she was on and off drugs as well, he tried to say her like I was doing with mine. It is with utter sadness, I tell you that she lost her battle with the drug demons and died at a very young age.

I said “if you had one more chance, no matter the cost or the circumstance would you give up or try it again ?” Without hesitation he says ” I would not give up”. My younger brother, him and myself, share a long hug and cry and I’m back in the car, heading back to Tennessee and her. Back at her Moms with all her family, I drove all night with no sleep to get back to her, In the same room where she was fucking her ex a few days prior. I was so happy to be back, she was my drug, and she had total control of me, I just didn’t know it at the time. I moved us out after one week. Into a camper community where the “Old friends” lived also. I didn’t want to but I had to get away from her Moms house. The drug use sky rocketed and It wasn’t long before she was moving out and in with her Uncle and his girlfriend. she had a settlement and they used and used. She left me with nothing, No vehicle, no phone, on drugs. I thought fuck it if you can’t beat them join them.

I sat in that fucking camper and thought of killing myself, See I had embarrassed myself to all my friends and family, I just came back after leaving everything, No way I was telling a soul. No one checked on me, called me, I don’t blame them I  had abandoned  them for her. I wrote about 100 suicide notes, I wondered how long I would lay their dead before someone found me. Then from somewhere I decided to get the Hell out of that place and I moved to my Dads couch, She had blown up my car, she bought a small truck from her sister. after a while she sold it to me, I lived out of it for a month or so. Her drug use was off the scale, I heard her Friend say, “he thought he was so good, look at him now” that pissed me off to no end. I had watched her friend hook people on drugs purposely, ( I had taken a bunch of pills one night to end this, but thank God I puked them up )  I stopped using that day and started rebuilding my life, she continued a lot longer. I started to date another women even. Only to make her jealous of course . It worked, the other  women had her own agenda so no hearts were broken. Back together once again.  Many horrible things happened from both sides as this unfolded, this is a general picture of our relationship. I was now way into the DEVALUE STAGEAn evil rollercoaster of build me up, knock me down….. This went on for months…

The Blurry years

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