The Ex

So the Ex get out of jail and stays away for the most part. Wants to get their son for visitation. We agree and he has him for the weekend. He comes home and latches on to me for the rest of the day. Unfortunately his bio dad told him that , I stole his Mommy away and he didn’t have to listen to me and God only knows what else. Then the phone calls started. Her and him would talk, according to her it was about the boy. I know now that is was much more. He got my cell number and would call me and tell me she was meeting him to have sex and she had done this numerous times with four or five others. Of course i didn’t believe him. She had already told me he was still in love and wanted her back. I tell that was true by how he talked. He would fly into a rage on the phone with her and call her names, so he appeared to be unstable to say the least. Little did I know she was lying to us both playing one against another in her Triangulation games. It got really bad for me then every time she went to work he’d call and say he met her for lunch and they had sex in my car, things like that, She swore he was lying, I’m positive it happened now, just not as much as he claimed. He would take it to far ,and I knew he was lying so it added some truth to her story and I wanted to believe her so badly. The months this went on, I was raising their son. We bonded on so many levels, I got him off to school. picked him up after work and we waited on Mom to get home from work, which got later and later as the weeks past. We played, rode bikes,made dinners, I fell in Love with him and him me. He opened up and told me many things that he seen, bad things, he was starved for attention, guidance , love, discipline. Mom had got on drugs with dad, she was trying hard to quite or she acted. I had lost 3 family members to Overdoses and a lot of my family was on prescription drugs. I had overcome addiction 10 years prior with my wife. So I tried so hard to help everyone and failed. I had lost them , I wasn’t losing anyone else. Her family talked to her like  trash, I watched them use guilt to make her do what they wanted, as did the Ex. As a man I could not allow any of that. I went into mr fix it mode. Meanwhile she is gone working , (or so I think). I’m superman to the kid, super lover to her ,and her family loved me, all her friends liked me, hated the Ex said he was a bad guy. From what I knew and saw , he was. Once at her friends cookout she looked at me and said” Everyone likes you everyone.” They way she said it sounded like she was disappointed or something.. I said “I thought that was a good thing” It was weird but I thought that she wasn’t used to having a relationship with someone like me. I’m from the North and she Deep South.  The worlds we knew were vastly different. My ego was inflated , I admit she was building me up to everyone. I didn’t know a lot of people in Tennessee. So I was finding my way to. I’m very romantic in relationships anyway, but I was doing more and more to prove my love and to keep hers.. I thought one reason My Wife had an affair was because I didn’t show her enough, love and attention.  I was eating up the praise, (I felt less than and rejected from how my Wife and I ended) She had told me  that she never had a man do those things. I loved to do romantic things for her. I wanted no doubt that I loved her and the Boy with everything inside. I went over board with it. My thoughts were, If I show her how much I love her, unconditional love and true understanding, she would have to see. Our love was a special once in a lifetime love, we are soul mates. She The stress of jobs, EXes, family,  and health were the real problem, not us.

I didn’t fit in to well when I came to this little town, I was an outsider, ” A Damn Yankee” as I was told on several occasions. My family wasn’t ever the closest anyway, I hadn’t seen most of them since I was a small child. I grew up in a lower class neighborhood, sometimes the only white kids around were my brother and I, needless to say we learned quickly to defend ourselves,and to hit first, hit hard! I’m a big guy 6’3″ over 200lbs. I can intimidating to some. Not really an admirable trait, but has got me out of some tough situations in my life. I use it when needed. I did not gossip nor did I believe in talking behind someones back, especially when it comes to family. I am loyal to ones who never are to me. So I was taken as holier than thou, Or I thought I was better than everyone. The only one I want to be better than is , the man  I was yesterday. 

I come home from work on a Saturday around noon to a house full of kids, she had a way of always having someone with her a tag-a-long, Now I know that she would do that after days of lies, broken promises of sex, gas lighting (at the time had no idea what the hell gaslighting was) then on a day we were supposed to do something all of a sudden we can’t. nevermind the kids as much being over except they all argued and fought over the Xbox, her and I got in an argument and she took the kids and left. I was at my wit’s end with the events of the past few months, she had gotten arrested for sell and delivery of pills from before we met and I put up $2000.00 to bail her out. Been working myself to the bone to pay it back, the ex thing was worse, her family always wanted something and got upset when I said no. A lot of my family was still using drugs. I yelled in front of the kids. “Just give me a Goddamn min” She took the kids and left. I tried to call her cell phone after a cool off time, no answer. Her mammas house was down the road so I figured she was over their, called back a few times. no answer. called her Mom she said she hadn’t seen her, it was getting late, I’m getting worried, not to mention I feel like a P.O.S for losing my temper in front of the kids and yelling at her. So I drive to my friend’s house to see if they had seen her. My so-called buddy was dating a girl that she had befriended, He says they havent seen her, Im telling them what happened when she says.”I cant just not say anything, her Ex came here and picked her up a couple hours ago” My heart was crushed,  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I had to get out of there. I got back home, got inside and all they feeling I had when I found out about my wifes affair and now hers hit me with a devastating blow. It came from the inside of my soul. It literally knocked me to my knees and I vomited right there. I felt like my chest was crushing the life out of me. I sat in my house untill Monday morning and couldnt eat, sleep just cry, I wanted to die, Whats wrong with me, didnt I do or say the right things, I had examined my whole being changing what I thought was bad from my last relationship and still It happened again. I felt I had been tossed away my whole life, even by the ones who never should have, Parents, family ( Enter the Co-dependancy) Why was I so Unlovable? 

The EX: aftermath of cheating…

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